Fiction is stranger than, erm, er ... fiction?

Copyright ©

K J Bennett & L K Jay

2012

In honour of Christmas, the New Year, good writing and total fantasy, this blog entry is given over to the characters from L K Jay’s popular contemporary fiction book, The Ghost Hunters Club.

The Ghost Hunters Club is the story of the loves and lives of Linda, Karen and Anna, three perfectly normal modern women who have as much difficulty finding a reliable man as they do finding a real ghost on their many trips to popular haunting sights. The sequel will be out soon, and the ladies want to talk about it.

Yep, three larger than life but wholly fictitious women are sitting here right now waiting to be interviewed. And that’s a problem: how can I interview three fictional characters? Oooo! I know: I’ll get Rathbone Kydd to do it. He’s not without experience - he interviewed an author once. And he’s fictional, so he won’t get flustered.

OK. Rathbone, meet Linda, Karen and Anna - the Ghost Hunters Club

RK: So, er, hi chick ... and chick, and, erm, chick. Great to be in the company of three such great-looking women. Make yourselves comfy, fluff the cushions, make coffee if you like ... mine’s black, no sugar, thanks. Right: anyone up for a massage? I ache like hell round the shoulders, I was wondering if one of you would be willing to volunteer ...

LINDA: Chick? Chick? Where do you think I came from, a chicken’s bottom?

RK: No. Huh, wouldn’t that make you an egg?

KAREN: I’ll give you black with no sugar, mister, and I’ll have milk and sugar in my coffee thanks.

ANNA: Well you can fluff my cushions, I like the moustache...

RK: OK, OK, don’t get tetchy! Only joking. So, three single ladies in good jobs and in need of lurve, eh? How about you each tell me a little about yourselves, y’know, jobs, interests, scandalous tales of your love lives, cup size, full contact details, et cetera. Let’s start with, hmm, Linda.

LINDA: Well young man, I’ve just been promoted and I’m now a deputy head in a posh private school in Edinburgh.  I’ll get to teach nice children instead of the plebs I had in my last job.  And did you behave yourself at school, Mr Kydd, hmm?  Anyway, I’m off men at the moment, so you can jolly well get your hand off of my knee, or I’ll have to put you in detention.

RK: Sorry, old habits and all. ‘Off men ...’ hmm, a challenge. Anyway, moving on (and checking the name badges) ... Karen. You look fit. A dancer? Stripper, maybe?

KAREN: Don’t push it pal, or I’ll set Linda on you.  I’m a martial arts instructor and I could snap you like a twig.  Except I won’t as you’ve just made me a coffee. 

RK: The least I could do. KJ said the budget wouldn’t stretch to whiskey, or drugs. Might have a bit of cheap sherry stashed away, for later, though.

KAREN: Anyway, we like ghost hunting, we’ve been on a few and I’m the first one to see a dead real ghost.  Excuse the pun.

RK: Not sure about excusing it ... ignoring it’s an option though, right? Heee, heee - don’t look at me like that, I’m just jesting. Right, that leaves Karen, no, Anna. Sorry, KJ’s writing on those badges is crap - much like his novels, so I hear. So, Kar–Anna (wow, sorry, sounds like some Russian chick) – what is it you do? As if I couldn’t guess.

ANNA: I’m a single parent but don’t let that put you off.  I have very well behaved children.  I work as a personal assistant to the director of a Northern Railway Company.  His name is Graham and he really likes trains – oh, and he likes to come ghost hunting with us as well.  Would you like to come ghost hunting with us, Randall? Linda has a very impressive torch.

RK: Wha – who the fuck is Randall? It’s Rathbone. Rath-emphasis-on-the-BONE. RATHBONE. It’s OK, I’m calming down, Kar-fuckit-Anna! AN-NA. Anna. Right, got it.

Linda rolls her eyes skyward.

RK: So. Ghost hunting ... OH! Is that why you call yourselves the Ghost Hunters’ Club? I wasn’t taking it literally, I just thought it was ’cos you dated a bunch of stiffs. In your case AN-NA (phew) I guess I’m right. Train spotter for a boss? Is he the Daddy, too?

ANNA: I’m not pregnant, I’m just curvy.  You have so blown it Randall, Rathbone, whatever, and I don’t mean in a fun way.  Anyway, you’re old enough to be my dad.  Bloody men.

RK: No, I didn’t mean you looked pregnant. It’s just that you mentioned being a mother, and I assumed, y’know, train spotters have urges, probably, and there’s you with the curves and the petty face, and there’s him with the anorak and the note book, and it can’t be easy for you, with the kids an’ all, and there’s those long lonely nights with the screaming and all that. And did you call me old? I’m only old in linear time scales. On my own scale I’m twenty-five, so probably a few years younger than you.

LINDA: You can’t be cruel to a widow, especially a rich one.  Anyway, we’re not convinced that her waste-of-oxygen husband has entirely gone away....

KAREN: But you’re right Rathbone, we went ghost hunting because we were fed up of going out with rubbish men.  I mean, how hard is it to turn up on time, remember to go to the cash point and remember whether you’re married or not?  We thought we’d throw our lot in with the ghosts; more chance of getting a spook on camera than finding a decent man.

RK: “A decent man” ... hmm ... I’m sorta decent, so much so that people say I’m IN-decent.

LINDA: (prods Rathbone) So are you actually real? What was time travel like? Is that moustache real?

RK: Am I real? Are you real? What is real? There was that Frenchie guy, Des Kart, I think he was called, who said, “I think, therefore I am”. Don’t know what all that shit was about, but the Moody Blues stole it and used it at the start of their LP On the Threshold of a Dream. Still doesn’t explain if my moustache is real, though. Hmm, maybe the moustache is the only real thing here ...  Right, time travel … what it feels like … it’s a bit like jelly, but faster.

But enough about me (did I really say that?), tell me about your ghost hunting adventures: what do you actually do: go places, pretend to look for ghostly spirits, but hit the spirit of the gin bottle instead? And you, Anna, who looks after the kids, or do you take ’em with you?

LINDA: Oh, now we get to the sensible questions!  Well, we do like going on ghost hunts.  We’ve been all over the country – Leeds, Whitby, Leicester and Edinburgh, which is the home of the scary ghost hunt.  But like they saying goes, looking for ghosts is like looking for a decent man, you can keep searching and you’ll never find one and then one will pop up when you are least expecting it.

KAREN: That happened to me.  I was let down by a man and then when I went to attend a friend’s do, a ghost popped up when I least expected it.  I wish I’d had a camera with me but of course, you never do when you need one.

Paris, June 1992
Copyright © K J Bennett

ANNA: I don’t normally have the children with me when we go ghost hunting, they go to stay with their grandparents when I do, but I might in the future.  Besides, that is the time I have to myself and I wouldn’t want them to see me get drunk and behave badly.  We’ve had a bit of a break from the ghost hunting but we’re going on a few more adventures soon, I hear Cambridge, London and even Paris might be on the cards.  Oh la la!

RK: Ooooo-la-Anna! You sound sexxx-sssee when you’re speaking French? Are you fluent? It is the language of lurve, y’know?

ANNA: Oh I am very fluent...

LINDA: Pack it in Anna, you don’t know where he’s been.  Sorry Mr Kydd, but really...

KAREN: Ladies, please!  I’m sure the men in France are as useless as the ones we’ve experienced in the UK.  We are in the EU you know, I’m sure there’s been a ruling from Brussels about the percentage of bad dates a woman has to go on.

RK: And Karen: why would a guy let you down? Apart from being a hottie, who’d risk the injury? Anyway, I bet that ghost thing was scary. I mean’ I’ve been in a similar situation when I worked in that gay pub in Exeter. Before I knew the lay of the land, so to speak, I went on a ghost walk round the back of the Cathedral with some of the guys, late one Saturday night, and let me tell you, a few scary things popped up that night, and I ran a mile. Talk about giving me the willies!

LINDA: Well, ghosts weren’t all that Anna saw in the underground tunnels in Edinburgh, but it was the best place for ghost hunting.  It’s a spooky city and full of atmosphere.

ANNA: Ahhh, the Edinburgh vaults, such nice memories.....

KAREN: Anna, I don’t know how you got away with it!  Although you’d be surprised how looking for ghosts and men can get mixed up.  They’re both elusive and at least the ghosts have an excuse for being unreliable, what with being dead and all.

RK: I don’t see they can use dead as an excuse. It’s not like they’ve got anywhere else to go, is it? So, tell me, did you find Dracula in Whitby? Yeah, I’m well read, I know the original story.

LINDA: No, but we did find a lot of tacky gifts, including some edible coffins.

KAREN: And I met a horrible ghost tour guide who didn’t believe in ghosts and tried to nick my wallet.  Good job the girls came to rescue me, I could have done him some damage.

RK: Now, ladies, tell me about these disasters you’ve had at speed dating. I mean, speed? Eh? I’m not surprised it went badly: anyone who tries to form a relationship based around drug abuse is destined to misery.

LINDA: Well I wished I’d taken some bloody drugs before I went, it was ghastly.  Turned out one of the men was a parent at my school, was terrified he would mention me to his irritating son, so I had to lie about my name.

KAREN: And one of the men said I should impress him so when I told him I could punch through wood, he wanted to know if I was a lezza.  I pointed out that he was both rude and offensive, both to me and the lesbian community, and offered to use his head as a piece of wood.  He declined.

 

ANNA: I got stuck with a very odd looking train spotter called Graham.  Total odd ball and kept staring at my boobs.  I get that a lot.  I suspect he still lives with this mother but I’ve got this feeling that that wasn’t the last time I would see him and of course, I ended up working for him.  Turns out he likes ghost hunting as well.

RK: What was that, Anna? I sorta lost track, staring at your boobs. Well, Christmas is almost here, and KJ tells me I’d better offer you some of this Port, Sherry and other stuff – mince pie, anyone? Good. Enjoy. KJ says he won’t charge you too much for them. Also, he’ss looking at his watch and making circular gestures. Don’t know what all that shit’s about. Anna, anything else I can, erm, do for you, mon amie?

ANNA: Oh well Mr Kydd, I do have some gardening that needs doing.  The lawn needs a mow, and the rose bushes need a trim.  I like a rugged outdoor man who’s good with his hands....

RK: Right … possibly I’m too smooth for you, but I’m REALLY good with my hands. Other parts of me perform even better, but that gardening stuff is a turn off.

But enough of this sleaze. I understand that your biographer, Miss L K Jay, she of the mysterious persona, is documenting your new adventures in a sequel. Are we in for any surprises in this one? A real ghost, perhaps, or a lover who scores ten out of ten on the scale of, say, me?

Linda: Well I still think men are crap, and I’ve sworn off of them.  Let’s face it; my internet dating record isn’t that good.  But I’m enjoying working at my new school with my best friend Chaz but we hear rumours that there may be a new project.  I don’t like the sound of that.

Karen: I was so pleased when I got together with the man I’d liked for so long, but as per usual, things don’t always go according to plan.  My martial arts business is going well, I hope there isn’t anything that will threaten that.

Anna:  My stupid husband, the only decent thing he managed to do was die, and now he just won’t stay dead!  Or dead enough…  And then there’s Graham’s new woman, now that came as a surprise.

RK: Ladies, it sounds like there's a lot of drama and trauma in store for you. It’s been really great talking with you all. You’re all great looking girls and you’re even more attractive when you talk. If you ever need a friend to talk with after one of the ghost hunts, or just a real man to … erm, you know? … then you know where to find me. Course, I may have teleported to a different space/time continuum by then, but you’ll know where I was.

+++

  

The Ghost Hunters Return 

by

L K Jay 

will be available as an e-book in spring 2013:

SYNOPSIS

Last time, the Ghost Hunters Club couldn’t find a ghost, or a decent date, for love nor money.  Now there’re too many!

Linda’s at her new school, Karen’s got her new man and Anna’s got her new money – what more do the women want?

They had a break but now they’re ready to pick up where they left off.  There are more ghosts, more personal disasters and a lot more adventures looking for both but one thing is for sure, they’ll be having lots of fun!

L K Jay’s links

L K Jay's Website  

Twitter:@FenlandGirll

Facebook

Amazon author page

Rathbone Kydd - sex’n’drugs’n’quantum stuff  

by 

K J Bennett

is available now on these links - 

UK - US - FR - DE - ES - IT - JP

All I want for Christmas ...

Just for a change I thought I’d go all consumer and make some recommendations for your Christmas viewing.

Even with the plethora of digital TV channels, finding stuff to watch over the festering period can be difficult. So why not buy yourself some DVD/Blu-Ray entertainment? I list here my selection of the best programmes I’ve seen this year and which you can order for TV consumption before Christmas.

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The Almighty Johnsons 

Imagine: you have reached the age of 21 and your brothers take you out to the woods, strip you naked and tell you that you are a reincarnated god.

This is one of the funniest and most bizarre series I’ve seen in many years, and a it’s major TV achievement for New Zealand. It is currently in its second season on the SyFy channel. It gets better every week.

Synopsis

In the 1800s, the Norse gods placed themselves in exile for reasons not yet divulged. It was obvious that they would, in their human form, emigrate to New Zealand: where else would they go. Since then, each of the gods is reborn. In the modern day, Odin is in the unlikely form of the rather innocent and well-meaning Axl Johnson. His brothers are gods, his parents were gods, and a fair number of the people he bumps into on his quest to find his true love, the Frigg, turn out to be gods.

The Almighty Johnsons - Season 1

Amazon 

Play

The Almighty Johnsons - Season 2

Amazon 

Play 

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Grimm

This is a great series that is being shown in the UK on digital channel, Watch. It’s thrilling and funny, and brought to you by David Greenwalt – he who worked closely with Joss Whedon on Buffy and (mainly) Angel.

Synopsis

Grimm’s Fairy Tales were not stories: they were warnings. 

Supernatural beings live amongst us, but only they and descendents of the Grimms can see them for what they are unless they transform in anger. It is the role of the Grimm to hunt down and eliminate these creatures, but Nick Burkhardt is a little unorthodox...

Grimm Season 1

Amazon 

Play 

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Continuum 

A thrilling time travel drama, aired on the SyFy channel. Not the most original plot line, but remarkably well done.

Synopsis

Change history – protect the future. 

In 2077 the corporations run everything (bit like now, then?). A terrorist organisation, Liber8, is fighting back. A force of ‘protectors’ – cyber-enhanced police – are fighting the terrorists. The leader of Liber8 and some of his top operatives are facing execution. At the point when they should die, they and one protector – Kiera Cameron (played by the lovely – Rachel Nichols) - are thrown back in time to 2012. Can Keira stop the terrorists from changing history – and should she even try?

Continuum Season 1

Amazon 

Play 

Continuum Season 2

Amazon

Play

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Haven 

Based on a Stephen King story, The Colorado Kid, this quirky and novel series is now in its second season. It was a bit of a slow starter in season 1, but as soon the over arching story line kicks in, the viewer is left begging for more. I want more, and season 4 is currently in production.

Synopsis

The New England town of Haven is exactly that to people who suffer from afflictions known as the Troubles. Some can kill with a single stare, others just need to think it to make it happen. Audrey Parker is on secondment from the FBI and assisting the local police department, but there is more to Audrey than meat the eye. Why does she appear, almost unchanged, in photographs taken nearly thirty years before, and why is she immune to the Troubles?

Haven – Season 1 – 3 

Amazon

___

So if you like me enough to buy me a Christmas pressie, any of the above will do!

Hello, and thanks for all the tweets.

Last weekend I offered Rathbone Kydd... for free via Amazon. I had much support from some wonderful people I’ve befriended on Twitter. I tweeted, they retweeted; they tweeted, I retweeted. Using my secondary Twitter ID I retweeted their retweets and tweeted new tweets which they and my primary ID later retweeted.

There was a lot of tweeting and retweeting. What a pain.

Amazon terms and conditions prevent me from giving full details of how many were shifted but the upshot is that several hundreds of copies are now in circulation – marginally more in the US than the UK – and a whole fifteen copies in Germany (sorry Amazon, too precise?). I even made it into the top three FREE of the SciFi – Mystery/Thrillers and SciFi – High Tech categories in the UK and US.

Then it was over. Obscurity ensued.

BUT there is light: in the UK I have made it into the Top 100 PAID of both of these categories. It’s not a constant listing, but I have occupied the list for four out of five days, dropping out on Friday and popping back in today (Saturday).

Terry Tyler

At this point I would like to thank my most ardent and unpaid publicist, a certain Terry Tyler, who actually bought a copy of RathboneKydd... when he was first unleashed and seems to have fallen in love with him! Ms Tyler has been the single most helpful person in pushing Rathbone into the world. Not only has she written a truly wonderful review of the book on Amazon, but Terry has also tweeted about the book and listed it in her top four indie-book reads of the year on her blog. This is especially gratifying, as Terry is the brilliant author – take a few minutes to check out her books on her Amazon author page. Note the masses of 5 Star reviews for her four published books. I especially loved Dream On, and You Wish was brilliant, too. I shall soon be buying the others. 

You can find Terry Tyler on her blog, on Twitter - @TerryTyler4, on her Amazon Author Page, on Goodreads, and on Facebook.

I’M FREE!

Well my book is, for two days.

For 17 & 18 November 2012, Rathbone Kydd – sex’n’drugs’n’quantum stuff is free on Amazon. Get it, enjoy it, review it and tell your friends to do the same. RK needs an audience: don’t disappoint him.

UK

US/India

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Singing in the shower – with purpose

Last night I spent several hours in the company of Mr Steve Pearce and Mr Ernest Ballard. That may sound like nothing special to you, but to me it was very special indeed: these are two of the people who inspired composite characters in my novel Rathbone Kydd - sex'n'drugs'n'quantum stuff (use THIS LINK for Amazon US) - available on Kindle from Amazon.

Between 1975 - 77, Steve, Ernie and I were four-fifths of a rock band named Wasp. We played in the south west of England – primarily in Exeter, Devon. We were massively popular – on a small local scale, that is – and had a following that transcended fashionistic boundaries: bikers, smoothies, hippies, yippies and a few oldies seemed to love us. Or, perhaps, they simply disliked us less than some of the alternative entertainment of the day ... 

Ernie Ballard, K J (Kevin) Bennett & Steve Pearce

Steve was lead guitarist. There was some kind of rift in the band that until last night I couldn’t recall, and he parted company from us. Apparently, on the advice of our manager – a con-man – we changed our name to Riot Squad and turned punk (musically, that is: the hair remained). Steve Pearce didn’t want to do that and, as I said, I couldn’t remember it, but it did happen, and Ernie has the demo tapes to prove it. We continued as a four-piece with the occasional guest guitarist.

Steve Pearce - posing as a
Native American chief

Steve and I met up again a few years back when he traced me via my previous website. I travelled to Plymouth and we went for a few drinks. It was great fun except for the kidney infection I’d just contracted that caused me to race off to the loo every ten minutes! Then we lost contact again for a while – my fault: I had a major computer crash and lost all my un-backed up data. But Steve tracked me down again and we’ve remained in e-mail contact for a while.

Kevin & Ernie - circa 1977

I hadn’t seen Ernie since early 1980 – almost 33 years ago! I was surprised to get an e-mail from him only a few weeks ago, completely out of the blue – again, he had tracked me down via the website and followed a link that took him to Steve’s pages. Ernie was the drummer – twice. He parted company with the band when three of us moved to London to become rock stars, but he rejoined us about a year later when he answered an advert in Melody Maker. Valdis, our bassist, insisted that Ernie audition along with several others. By this time, our longstanding guitarist Steve Major had left us and had been replaced by Aussie Paul and Scottish Andy. Ernie was the best so he got the job.

Ernest Ballard Esq

Steve Pearce and Ernie both now live in Plymouth: they only reacquainted themselves a few weeks ago. Steve plays in the rock duo Bountyhunter and Ernie has just left Cornish ska band, Rudi’sMessage, after a period of 12 years. I’m not sure if there’s a difference between Cornish ska and other types, but it probably has high cholesterol, like clotted cream and pasties.

I can honestly say that last night was magical. I haven’t laughed so much in years. Look at Ernie’s eyes in the photos: pure mischief. Although dressed in his suit and tie, I can attest to the fact that he is a true rock drummer who, over the past 30+ years has demonstrated that a drummer without a girlfriend is homeless! At least he owns a van and a sleeping bag.

Now the two of them are discussing the prospects of playing together again, and the subject of me doing a couple of rehearsals “just for old-time’s sake” was mentioned ... I haven’t sung with a band since I last saw Ernie in 1980. The only time I’ve sung in public since then was a disastrous karaoke session in Scotland in 2004, when I had difficulty fitting the words of Billy Idol’s White Wedding to the music. BUT, if I can locate some of the missing three octaves of what used to be my three-and-a-half octave range, I might just do it. Be warned, singing in the shower will resume forthwith.

Lacey Dearie's Tangled Web: This Changes Everything

Lacey Dearie's Tangled Web: This Changes Everything

Someone's life changed in the matter of minutes. Please read Lacey Dearie's blog post.

Book Review - The Missing

The Missing by Karl Vadaszffy
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Well this is a book with a mixed bag of reviews on Amazon UK: some slate it, some praise it: some are downright insulting to the author.

I rather liked it.

Be under no illusions: this is not a pleasant book; it is about a serial killer who focuses on women. They tend to be nasty characters that do nasty things to women. I had to laugh at one reviewer who decries the violation of women as portrayed in this book, and another who criticises the lack of loving sex. Hmm, if only twisted serial killers converted to indulging in loving sex: they’d all be cured.

OK, the police procedure is not realistic, but then who believes that Morse, Frost or many other fictional detectives are realistic? This is a work of fiction. Live with it.

In reality, there would be a specialist squad investigating the killings but, as with those other top ’tecs, DS Kate Neilson is on her own. Did the elusive Jennie ever exist, or is the sadly lovelorn John Simmons deluded about her existence and killing all these women? Or is the killer a fellow detective (the DCI has issues)? What is the involvement of the Wongs?

The first half of the book moved at a reasonable pace, the second half thundered along. Not all of it was to my taste, but I did enjoy it overall.

I don’t disbelieve the earlier reviews that mention many typos and errors, but I didn’t notice more than a couple, which means either I’m half blind, the story was good enough to make me not notice them, or they’ve been corrected.

Overall, a very worthy 4 stars.


View all my reviews

Fiction meets fact

In a change from the usual ‘me me me’ kind of blog post, today I am really pleased to welcome two guests to Bennett Towers.

First up is the wonderful Miss Anya Breton. 

Anya is the author of numerous books, some erotic and some for young adults. Her urban fantasy ‘Lore’ series so far stretches to 11 volumes, and her latest erotic offering Alpha Exposed will be released tomorrow.

My second guest is far less distinguished. Born in 1955 he still only 24 years old and should be singing his heart out in the late 1970s. However, he crossed a ruthless biker gang, became embroiled in a drug smuggling racket, was entrapped by the Greek secret police and the KGB, and was used as a guinea pig in a quantum experiment sponsored by a Greek drugs baron. Nothing out of the ordinary, then. Oh, did I mention that he may have murdered his father? No? How remiss of me. You can read his tale in RathboneKydd – sex’n’drugs’n’quantum stuff.

So, here to interview Anya Breton is Mr Rathbone Kydd.

============

RK: Thank you, KJ, thank you. It’s kind of you to have me here today, and I see you’ve lain on a hot chick for me to get my teeth into. Lovely. Er, so, er, Anya, chick: I hear you write that erotica stuff, eh? Wanna tell be about that?

AB: Yes, recently I’ve tried my hand writing erotic romance. It’s the softer side of erotic books, the side that is concerned with love and relationships while still featuring salacious sex scenes that hold little back.

RK: Sorry, babe, I was just examining your assets there. What’s the name of the new book you’ve been hand-writing?

AB: [adjusts her top so it covers more] Alpha Exposed is the next book due out.

RK: So what’s the plot, assuming is not just about the sex? Not that there’s Anya-thing (tee hee) wrong with just the sex, know what I’m saying, eh? [Drools]

AB: [stares for a moment] The plot is Samantha’s sister is missing. The one person who can help find her sister wants a steep price for his services—sex in public with the only woman to reject him. The only woman is, of course, Samantha. I can’t give away too much more without ruining the plot, but yes, there is more than sex. It is a love story, after all J This love story just happens to feature Air witches and Alpha weretigers. Mmm, Alpha weretigers [goes glassy-eyed]

RK: Wow! Rejection. Must be a real bummer. I sorta sympathise with that guy. Hell, who am I kidding? He’s a loser. Rejection? Never happened to me. So ... air-witches: are the like sandwiches with a low fat centre?

AB: [wipes a little bit of drool off her lower lip] He’s actually quite lovely, at least in the end. Yes, Air witches and no, they’re not like sandwiches, unless you know of low fat sandwiches that can conjure tornadoes and speak telepathically. I dunno about you but I’d run for the hills if I came across any entrée that could do that!

RK: I don’t know of any telepathic sandwiches, but I do remember this guy back in Exeter (that’s in Devon, England) in ’78 who had this real bad acid trip and thought he was a sausage. So me and the guys from the band were chasing him round town yelling, “Knife and fork, knife and fork!” Don’t know if he ever got out of the institution, or anything. So how many books have you published?

AB: I’d have been yelling “spork”. It’s the superior utensil. How many published? Er, not counting self-published titles, this book will be number 3. Counting self-published titles, it’s [thinks hard] 14? That’s not including a few free short stories here and there.

RK: Hell, that’s way more than KJ. Guess you make him feel inadequate. Quite right, too: he is.  So you’re a millionaire authoress who writes sexy books and looks hotter than a very hot thing? Wow. I’m in lurve...

AB: [snorts] Millionaire, nah. I still have to work a day job. As far as the second part there, considering some “very hot things” I’ve seen, yeah sure, I look hotter than a pizza burnt to a crisp.

RK: Don’t do yourself down, babe, I am partial to burnt pizza. But you are far from that. Now do you feel your erotic literature reflects real life? I mean, is it possible to get into these situations for real?

AB: This book? Maybe parts. A big portion of the plot has to do with the supernatural so, in that aspect, no you can’t get into the situations for real. In my Randy’s Diner series, I suppose you could get into those situations for real if someone created a naughty diner like that. By the way, the idea is available for franchising ;)

RK: See, I thought it was all unreal, ’cos there’s no way guys can even talk to girls in most cases when they all have those music players – erm, pPods? – stuffed in their ears. Got any good tips to get over THAT obstacle?

AB: Are you asking me for advice picking up chicks?

RK: Hell no! No way. D'ya think I need it?

It’s just that music player stuff. I mean, I went to a pub the other night and met this real cool chick – sleek and slinky, thick brown hair, a real babe. After a few drinks we ended up at her place, and she wasn’t really a conversationalist, y’know? I mean, I can handle myself in most situations so it didn’t matter too much, but she had these, erm, these m-pod-3 earplugs things in the whole night and it’s kinda off-putting, especially that tinny over-spill when she turned up the volume right at the moment of glory. I mean how the hell’re you s’posed to get those things away from a chick? Call me old fashioned, but I like at least some chat – not necessarily dinner and a show, but “thanks for a good time” would be nice. All I got was a chorus “Umbrella-ella-ella” and a slammed door.

AB: I hope you promptly lost her phone number.

RK: Well, no. She was rather a babe.

Still, enough of this stuff about my very active sex life: tell me about yours. Oh, hang on. KJ’s just passed me a note. Hmm, it says, “Ask her about the real Anya Breton – who she is, what she likes, what makes her tick ...” Wow, that’s deep. Didn’t think he was like that.

So, tell me about the real Anya Breton.

AB: What makes me tick? Oxygen.

This whole line of questioning reminds me of that Anger Management movie— [adopts her best Nicholson impression] “Dave, I don't want you to tell us what you do. I want you to tell us who you are.”

Um, I’m a goofball and a nerd. I like loads of things. Oh, for example, I’m an Apple fangirl. So I love those iPods [emphasizes the “I”] Remember when if you wanted to carry 5000 songs around with you, you’d have to have a lorry? Now you just need one of these thin little babies with the pretty colour screen. [holds one up and strokes it]

RK: Hell, I’m a rock singer, I carry 10000 songs around with me – in my head! OK, so some of them sound the same, but still ...

Is Anya Breton your real name, or a gnome-dee-ploom, or whatever the fuck spelling that’s supposed to be?

AB: Nope. Next question ;)

RK: You’re a tough cookie, you know? Maybe I should ask more direct questions, ’cos you just confused me there. Is it an assumed name?

AB: Anya is my nickname. I started using it in high school. Breton is not my surname but it is my family’s name. It’s a long story that isn’t amusing. Trust me when I say you don’t want to hear it ;)

RK: I know what you mean about those name problems. I mean, keep it just between you and me, and promise not to tell a soul, but my full name is Basil Rathbone Kydd. Yee, the crap I had to put up with at school with that name. It was the initials – BRK: bark. They used to call me Fido.

Anyhow ... I hear you have a thing about rubber chickens. Care to explain?

AB: If it helps, I love the name Basil. It’s a respectable sort of name.

RK: I'm not the respectable type.

AB: About the rubber chickens, I was a clown in high school. Literally. But I couldn’t afford a rubber chicken. I’d always wanted one. So when I got a real job, I started collecting them.

RK: So these rubber chickens: not euphemisms for some kinky sex toys in your books?

AB: [laughs] No. But if you like that sort of thing, I suggest reading ‘Clown Girl’ by Monica Drake.

RK: Right. I hear that the ‘Lore’ series is classed as ‘young adult’. Do you get any of your younger readers buying the wrong books and complaining? (Actually, they probably wouldn’t complain, but their daddies might).

AB: Erm, ‘Lore’ is most definitely, definitely not a young adult series. In fact a reviewer over on Shelfari has marked the later books as erotic (I don’t agree with that, but whatever). And book 1 features a lesbian scene soo…no, please, if you’re a teen, do NOT read my ‘Lore’ series. Frankly, the Lore series isn’t that good. I went a little crazy with the characters and plots as the series progresses. And it’s not professionally edited.

‘Time’s Daughter’ is my only young adult book so far (it too suffers from not being professionally edited). So far none of the teens have bought the other books and complained (mostly because that requires buying, and Time’s Daughter is free from most retailers).

I’ve considered a second pen name. If I release any other YA books, I’ll probably do it with a different name.

RK: WOW-wow-wow: ‘Lore’ is NOT YA? Excuse me while I punish KJ for poor research. Back in a few secs ...

...

...

... And I suppose I’d better rethink the Christmas gifts I was gonna get for KJ’s teenie daughter, then. Oh, and I’d better call for an ambulance. His nose looks broken ... and his leg.

AB: Again? The poor thing! [hands over a bar of fancy chocolate] Make sure HE gets this!

RK: Right, Anya. I suppose we’d better end on a high note. You’ve got just enough time before the medical services arrive to tell me why people should buy your book.

AB: Um..because there’s public sex?

I’m really bad at selling myse…er, my books. I never think they’re good enough. But this one, this is the best one I’ve ever released…so far. It’s a short read, it’s fun, and it’s sexy.

RK: Anya Breton: thanks very much for coming here, and good luck with Alpha Exposed.

Right. Can I interest you in a night of passion ... ?

AB: I’m always interested in nights of passion…with my amazing significant other. Sorry, darling, I’m spoken for. But you’re a doll. Just keep doing what you’re doing and I’m sure those mPods will fall right out of those ears. [tries to hold a straight face as she gets up]

RK: That’s OK. Not a rejection ... just testing your fidelity quotient ...

 ++++++++++

Book Title: Alpha Exposed
Date available: October 5 2012
Genre: Erotic romance (paranormal)

Blurb:
When Samantha’s sister goes missing, all signs point to supernatural foul play. Her fellow Air witches won’t help, leaving her with one miserable choice—to beg for assistance from Dion Hebert, the odious weretiger Alpha she shot down months ago. In front of his pack. What’s a witch to do?

Dion can’t believe Samantha has the nerve to come begging after she humiliated him in front of half the supernatural Underground. He agrees to help in exchange for the one thing he’s always wanted—Samantha Avira. Naked. Wrapped around him in every delectable position he can imagine. But since the witch humiliated him publically, Dion wants the sex to be public too.

The thought of getting naked with Dion turns Samantha on, as much as she tries to deny it. The thought of getting naked with him in front of everyone leaves her part aroused and part horrified. When Dion makes good on his end of the bargain, Samantha’s deepest, darkest desires are unleashed. And the result is pure, sexy magic that can’t be tamed.

Buy link: http://www.jasminejade.com/p-10416-alpha-exposed.aspx
Excerpt: http://www.jasminejade.com/productspecs/9781419941016.htm

What's so special about October?

1: SPECIAL OFFER

My latest book, Rathbone Kydd – sex’n’drugs’n’quantum stuff: until the end of October, and only on Amazon, you can get the Kindle edition for $0.99. £0.99, or €0.99. It can still be bought from other outlets, but only at the full price.

Please note – the £ and € prices have the addition of VAT, so will be slightly above 0.99. Buy now from Amazon on these links -

UK

US/India

ES

FR

DE

IT

2: SPECIAL EVENT

Coming up on 4 October 2012 is a guest interview. I will be really pleased to welcome to my blog, Miss Anya Breton.

This is no ordinary interview: Anya is an author and Twitter friend and writes erotic novels. But she didn’t want to be interviewed by me, oh no! Why be interviewed by wrinkly old K J Bennett when she can be interviewed by the far younger, much better looking, slimmer, sexual beast that is Rathbone Kydd, the main character in my most recent book Rathbone Kydd – sex’n’drugs’n’quantum stuff?

Find out what happens when Fiction meets fact – on this blog, 4 October 2012.